tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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