Ambien. No doubt about it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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