And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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