sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
