Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
