the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
