Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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