So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
