I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
