If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
