the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
