it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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