I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
