im about as happy as oj after his trial
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
