Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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