She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
