fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
