I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize