What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
