She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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