I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
