Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
