You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Randomize
