I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He better not be in your backpack
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
