for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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