Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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