I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
