You made me cry and you don't even care
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am spending my child support on dildos
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
