ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
