Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Please, let me fuck your mom
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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