Where is the hickey?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
