I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
