you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
