Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
