His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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