haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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