I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
