Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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