If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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