the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
