Someone shit on the floor
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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