just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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