Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
