Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
