I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
