Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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