Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
