Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
