Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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