On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
