i would punch a child for taco bell
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
