Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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