Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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