god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
