last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
