i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
