also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
