filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
