You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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