i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
