You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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