what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we made out on top of his cat.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize