If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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