can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
