The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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