I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
