he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
