There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
that's an acceptable place to lick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
