Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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