remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
