I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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